Thursday, March 30, 2006

On the stand for being sad

I am a very sad man. This fact became incontrovertible last night. If I were up before the beak in the high court of uncoolness, the prosecutor would have a field day. In fact I can picture it now…

Prosecutor (gimlet-eyed in his horsehair wig and gown): Tell me, Mr Fitzgerald – where were you on the evening of 29th March 2006?

Me: I was out with some friends in a bar named Vic Naylor’s.

Prosecutor: You are referring to the Vic Naylor’s on St. John Street, EC1 I believe?

Me: I am indeed.

Prosecutor: And what did you do in this well-known hostelry?

Me: I had a number of glasses of wine – Pinot Grigio – and a nice chat with my friend Hayley and some other ex-colleagues of mine.

Prosecutor: All these ex-colleagues were young attractive females?

Me: Yes, indeed. Although I don’t see how that has a bearing on the situation.

Prosecutor: We’ll get to that, I can assure you. Your girlfriend was away on business, was she not?

Me: She was indeed.

Prosecutor: So you intended to make the most of her absence. Is that not true, Mr Fitzgerald?

Me: Pardon?!

Prosecutor: When you leave your friends at the bar?

Me: I seem to remember I left at 9pm.

Prosecutor: You left alone and went straight home?

Me: I certainly did, your honour.

Prosecutor: And why were you so keen to leave? So eager to get home and leave these friends of yours?

Me: Er…em…

Judge: Please answer the question, Mr Fitzgerald – however embarrassed you may be.

Me: Well…

Prosecutor: I believe your hesitation speaks for itself. You left early to watch the final two episodes of the new series of [disgusted tone] BATTLESTAR GALACTICA, didn’t you? The last two episodes on a DVD boxset you had actually especially imported from the United States.

Me: Oh god, it’s all true!

Prosecutor: So you had a free pass for the night and the company of several attractive women – but what you were really excited about was the fact you could go home and watch a contemporary ‘re-imagining’ of a crap old sci-fi series.

Judge: I’ve heard enough! Guilty as charged! Take him to the cells!

It’s a fair cop, guv! And I’m not entirely convinced society’s to blame…

2 comments:

r1baca1 said...

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Thank you for this blog. That's all I can say. You most definitely have made this blog into something thats eye opening and important. You clearly know so much about the subject, youve covered so many bases. Great stuff from this part of the internet. Again, thank you for this blog.

r1baca1 said...

Sari Jahe | Diskon | Promo Diskon | Harga Tiket Pesawat | Temulawak | Photo Prewedding | UPVC WINDOW | Kamera CCTV | Jual CCTV | Pasang CCTV | Minuman Suplemen | Tiket Pesawat Murah

Thank you for this blog. That's all I can say. You most definitely have made this blog into something thats eye opening and important. You clearly know so much about the subject, youve covered so many bases. Great stuff from this part of the internet. Again, thank you for this blog.