Sarah Palin's Kids Names - Are You Thinking What I'm Thinking?

Track, Bristol, Willow, Piper, and Trig. Not a luxury range of bathroom fittings! The names of McCain running mate Sarah Palin’s kids. It’s Trig I feel sorry for – at least the rest of the brood have proper words as names. What happened with Trig? Could she just not be arsed any more?

Equally, there’s no over-all theme – now that’s just lazy. ‘Track’ could have led to a set of kids named after thoroughfares – Track, Road, Street, Alley and Cul-De-Sac, for instance. Maybe they’d still get the piss taken out of them at school, but at least it’s a concept!

Anyone know of a Sarah Palin kid name generator? Surely there’s one online somewhere? If not, I’ll just come up with a few:

Range, Brick, Plane, Blah, Gink, Book, Trowel, Spec, Dunt…

Any more suggestions?

Children's Party Survival Guide

It was Stan's first birthday on Sunday and we had a party to celebrate. I'm still recovering. I went to some wild parties at university and a fair few illegal raves, but they were nowhere near as messy as this.

Chaos was unconfined in our little house, with Mila and Frankie's friends playing musical statues to nosebleed techno (my fault - I'd left the CD on the stereo), off their heads on Coke and Monster Munch (half of which ended up stamped into the carpet). Then there were Stan's little mates ,who were engaged in trying to mash Cadbury's Mini-Rolls into the furniture with their little chocolate-besmirched fingers. When they weren't doing that, they were crying or just trying desperately to escape to somewhere suitably dangerous.

By mid-afternoon I'd decided that the only way to get through the party was to get as drunk as possible, so I was utterly muntered by the time we blew out the single candle on Stan's cake and sang happy birthday. In fact, I was barely able to blow the candle out for him as I couldn't actually align with the bloody thing. However, I had also stopped worrying about the carpet.

So there you go - that's my advice on surviving children's parties - get REALLY pissed! Can't see that making it into the Saturday Guardian's 'Family' section.