Stan's Morning Commands

Now that Stan can talk a bit, he's enjoying issuing commands. It must be pretty cool - he can now tell us what he wants, whereas he used to wail, bibble or grunt and it was pot-luck whether we guessed the request correctly. In the morning, there's a set list of one word commands in his repertoire. Here they are in chronological order:

1. "Buk!" (may I have book to read?)
2. "Milkel!" (I want a bottle of milk)
3. "Mummy!" (my dummy has been misplaced and I demand it's immediate insertion after removal of bottle)
   
4. "Coat!" (remove my gro-bag, I wish to be mobile)
5. "Cuggle!" (give me a cuddle)
6. "Bek-fast!" (I wish to eat now)
7. "Cake!" (no, not that substandard fare - give me cake)
8. "Choc-la!" (actually, give me chocolate instead)
9. "Shoes!" (I'm ready to have my footwear put on)
10. "Coat!" (ready my outer garment for me)

As Stan appears to be entering the 'terrible twos' early, god help you if you don't comply quickly, let alone say 'no'. There's an indignant fit of tears and fury. It's hard to refuse him, as he is very cute, but we're teaching him that he can't always get what he wants, especially if he forgets to say 'please'. We'll no doubt be dealing with a fair few tantrums before that's fully sunk in!

Oedipus Strikes!

I’ve noticed that I have to re-bond with Stan every weekend at the moment. Sadly, I'm used to that with Mila and Frankie, as they're at their mum's 11 days out of 14. However, it seems that even with Stan, his mum is a more consistently present figure in his life. My access to him is limited to an hour or so in the morning, where I’m concentrating on ironing shirts and finding my wallet as well as giving Stan the attention he needs. By the end of the week I feel I’m a bit of peripheral figure and he’s a little stand-offish, but by the end of the weekend, after I’ve chased him around pretending to be a monkey for hours on end, he’s really cuddly and affectionate.

Admittedly he’s currently going through a bit of an oedipal phase, so mummy is very much the parent de jour. Like a lion separating a wildebeest from the herd, he physically tries to keep me away from his mum and gets rather miffed if I do get near to her. For instance, when he’s in Emily’s arms, he actually pushes me away so he has her to himself!

Mind you, Stan’s stereotypical male obsession with big machines – cars, trucks, trains, diggers and planes – suggests that he’ll soon be enthusiastically joining the patriarchal order!

Weekend of Good Things

Yes, I’m still concentrating on the good things in life! Weekend pleasurable moments include:

• Going to a windswept farm with Stan, Emily, sister-in-law Lucy and brother-in-law Lee. It was one of those ‘farm as theme park’ places. They all seem to have the same stuff in them – a ‘guinea pig village/town/suburb/conurbation’ and an ‘amazing maize maze’. (Oh, wavering close to cynicism there!) Anyway, Stan loved it and has learned the word ‘tractor’ as a result of our visit.
• Going to the gym with Lee. Admittedly it was in Stevenage (which is one place that could puncture my positivity) but going to the gym with Lee is like having a free personal trainer – so I learned a lot of useful stuff.
• Another musical rediscovery – Peter Hook of New Order’s side project ‘Revenge’. I played the vinyl album to death back in 1990. Found it again on iTunes and it still sounds great.

Positivity Week, Part One

I’m trying to get into blogging again, after a long work-related lay-off. Looking at earlier posts I notice I have three modes of communication:

(a) Fulminating against modern life and (as I perceive it) other people’s idiocy

(b) Describing my own idiocy

(c) Cynicism in general

In an effort to inject some sunshine into this blog, I’ve decided to only write about nice things for a whole week, starting right here.

Er…um…

Jeez, this isn’t easy!

Erm…

OK, here goes – I’m going to describe the small things that give me pleasure. Those little delights that give me a lift during my day. Perhaps you’d like to leave comments with yours?

The little things that enhanced my day so far are:

• The consideration of Nintendo game developers

I’m playing ‘Zelda: The Phantom Hourglass’ on the DS (which is a pleasure in itself, but I won’t rhapsodise about it here) and was tickled to find that I was asked before I started the game whether I was left or right-handed. The interface was then configured for a leftie like me. Nice touch!

• Stan’s new phrase

He’s started to say ‘Oh no!’ when he drops something or otherwise has a mishap. Although he says it in a way that suggests he’s enjoying himself. It really is the most adorable thing.

The map's upside down. Oh no!

Children's Party Survival Guide

It was Stan's first birthday on Sunday and we had a party to celebrate. I'm still recovering. I went to some wild parties at university and a fair few illegal raves, but they were nowhere near as messy as this.

Chaos was unconfined in our little house, with Mila and Frankie's friends playing musical statues to nosebleed techno (my fault - I'd left the CD on the stereo), off their heads on Coke and Monster Munch (half of which ended up stamped into the carpet). Then there were Stan's little mates ,who were engaged in trying to mash Cadbury's Mini-Rolls into the furniture with their little chocolate-besmirched fingers. When they weren't doing that, they were crying or just trying desperately to escape to somewhere suitably dangerous.

By mid-afternoon I'd decided that the only way to get through the party was to get as drunk as possible, so I was utterly muntered by the time we blew out the single candle on Stan's cake and sang happy birthday. In fact, I was barely able to blow the candle out for him as I couldn't actually align with the bloody thing. However, I had also stopped worrying about the carpet.

So there you go - that's my advice on surviving children's parties - get REALLY pissed! Can't see that making it into the Saturday Guardian's 'Family' section.

Stan Plays It Cool

I think it’s true to say that we really couldn’t have moved into our new house without the help of Emily’s family. On top of labouring long and hard to help us shift all our stuff, Emily’s sister, Lucy, also took some very charming pictures of Stan. As you can see from this one, he was pretty unruffled by the move!