Is it normal?

I’m back at work now, trying to balance sleep deprivation with thinking. It isn’t easy. However, I think I’ve got it easier than Emily, who’s now at home on her own with Stan. I generally receive a number of phone calls as the day progresses beginning with the words “Is it normal?”

Here are some examples:

It is normal for him to…

• Go cross-eyed when he poos?
• Sleep for more than two hours?
• Sleep so little?
• Make a funny wheezing noise when he breathes?
• Wee so often?
• Poo so often?
• Vomit so often?
• Have a flaky scalp?
• Have those little spots?
• Cry so much?
• Have that funny look on his face?
• Go so red?

Now, don’t get the idea that I’m the definitive authority that Emily trusts to answer these questions. My reply (which can generally be summarised as “Yes, it’s fine”) is then verified by Emily’s mum, my mum, her dad, her friends who are also mothers, Dr. Miriam Stoppard, Google and most probably the World Health Organisation. Once all these sources agree that it is indeed normal, she can get on with inventing a new “it is normal?” query.