The divorce is through!

And I've got a new job...

Well, the new year is bringing some changes my way. It's odd how life can stand still for ages, then everything moves at once. A bit like when you think your stomach's not affected by a curry, then there's a sudden eruption. Only the eruption is a nice one. Oh, the analogy breaks down at that point...

Anyway, Lucy rang this morning to tell me that the divorce has finally gone through. Ilford County Court be praised!

The other good news is that I've got a new job. After four years at my current agency, I'm leaving to become Head of Writing somewhere else. Which leads me to...

Want to enjoy your job? Leave it!
It is my theory that the best time you’re going to have in a job is after you’ve handed in your notice. And here are my reasons…

1. Sticking it to the man
Can anything beat the feeling of walking up to your boss’s desk and slapping your resignation letter onto it? Yeah, take that, you fat Nazi arsehole! This feeling of satisfaction is compounded, of course, if there’s a massive amount of work coming up and they’re going to be screwed because they can’t replace you quickly. And if you’re useless and nobody will notice any discernible difference when you’re gone, at least you stuck it to them before they stuck it to you.

2. Everyone loves you
Before you said you were leaving, you had a few mates and had that awkward ‘oh god, in the lift with this person – what the fuck do I have to say to them? Not a weather discussion AGAIN?’ relationship with everyone else. Now you’re going, they’re all over you. People who have never spoken to you are coming up to your desk and expressing an interest (perhaps because they dream of STICKING IT TO THE MAN too). A new cosy warmth fills your working life. Try not to get too paranoid about the possibility that this warmth is, in fact, relief that they’re getting rid of you.

3. Take it easy – you’re leaving!
After all, what are they going to do? Sack you?! (OK, maybe if you bring in a pillow and sleep at your desk, they will.) Just feel all those headaches, nagging fears, conflicts and long-term manoeuvrings melt away. You won’t be here this time next month – so none of it matters. Goodbye anxiety, hello long lunch breaks. It’s a bit like the feeling that Buddhists have when they’ve let go of their worldly desires. Except that it’s accompanied by a payrise.

4. What? You mean you’ve always fancied me?
Ah, the fear of rejection – how it holds people back. But now it’s your leaving do, everyone’s pissed, and that person who always had the secret hots for you is liberated by the knowledge that they don’t have to face you the next day at work if you cruelly reject their advances. Suddenly their ardour, inflamed by too many slippery nipples (or some other amusingly named shot concoction), can contain itself no longer! Sadly, this formula doesn’t work for freelance or temporary jobs, otherwise a lot more of us would be on short-term contracts…

Oh yes, that last month in your job can’t be bettered. In fact, this blog is proof – I’m writing it instead of doing anything useful! Hurrah!