I feel an enormous sense of achievement today, the quiet shit-eating satisfaction of a job well done.
Bank job that is.
Last night, aided by an Irish-American cokehead gangster and his IRA-supporting heroin-addicted brother, I robbed a bank and shot dozens of police in a pitched battle before making my escape with a cool $250k in cash.
Yes, you’ve guessed it – this isn’t the blog confession of a psychopath (I tend to define myself as merely sociopathic), I’m playing Grand Theft Auto IV and managed to complete the ‘3 Leaf Clover’ mission.
Now, I don’t mind admitting I’m a bit of a rubbish gamer, frankly. It took me at least 20 attempts to complete this mission. The Xbox360 must be a robust thing, as it survived being repeatedly thrown down in disgust as I died AGAIN or one of my fuck-witted AI cronies jumped onto one of my grenades.
So here’s my guide to the 3 Leaf Clover bank job mission for crap/elderly gamers like me:
- Buy body armour before the mission – the fire-fight with police is merciless and you’ll need it
- Be careful with grenades, as Packie and Derrick tend to get accidentally blown up
- Use cover as much as possible and follow your AI buddies rather than leading the way
- Go for headshots on the police by shifting your right stick up slightly when locked on with auto-aim
- Pick up as much combat rifle ammo as you can from the weapons left by dead cops
- There’s a bulletproof jacket to pick up from the left of a police car as you run through
- When you’re making your getaway in the hideously bouncy Chelsea Tractor (it’s conveniently parked near where you emerge from the subway), drive north and ignore the satnav route. The police have barricade the bridges, so it’s better to lose your wanted level BEFORE leaving Algonquin
Now I’ve completed the mission, I’m not sure how I’ll spend my cash – although the combat sniper’s rifle looks tempting. Oh, the morality-free entertainment that is GTA4! No wonder our teenagers are stabbing each in the streets…
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